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What is a submissive?

What is a submissive?

I get asked this question a lot, especially from vanilla people.  There is a LOT of misconceptions about S&M, and I do my part to dispel some of the myths regarding the lifestyle.

For example, most people think that I am required to be nude all the time.  Not true – although if we didn’t have kids in the house it would become a possibility! But I wear clothing most of the time – in fact I like to dress fashionably according to my own sense of style.  But when I am home and the children aren’t, more often than not, you will find that Mad Baker is the one who is nude, not myself.

The reason for this is very simple – Mad Baker has very sensitive skin and can feel the seams of clothing – every minute of every day.  He is a nudist who hates the restrictions society places on him, forcing him to wear clothes, and thus likes to be nude at every possible moment.  His normal outfit when the kids are home is boxers and a robe!

Me, on the other hand – I enjoy being nude, but it doesn’t come naturally.  I try to be aware of it and undress when the kids are not home, but I honestly don’t think about it – my clothing feels like a second skin to me, natural, normal.  Once Mad Baker growled at me about wearing clothes, and trust me I was quick to strip! And I enjoyed every minute of it (and I kinda wish he would do that more often).

Another misconception that is related to nudity is nude cooking.  I get people asking me if I have to cook in the nude.  This makes me laugh.  Honestly, I have tried it a few times, and I don’t feel comfortable doing it.  I am a short, big busted woman – my tits are WAAAAY to close to the burners on the stovetop for comfort!  And since my Doms value my tits just as much as I do (if not more), I am not required to cook in the nude.

Many people think a submissive is automatically a masochist.  I happen to be both submissive and masochistic – but not all subs enjoy pain.  Mad Baker knows of a few masochists who are Dominate!  And I know several subs who don’t like pain at all.  Even in my own mind, pain and pleasure and service are intimately intertwined, so sometimes I have difficulty explaining to people that the two are separate things.

Another idea that people have is that a sub is always sexually accessible for her Dominate – that, I admit, is true.  I tend to wear skirts more often than not, with nothing underneath, for easy access.  I do not have the right to deny Mad Baker or Viktor my body for any reason.  My pussy, my ass, my tits, my mouth are accessible 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for use whenever my Doms feel the need to fuck me.

I wouldn’t have it any other way, to be honest!

A HUGE number of vanilla people are under the impression that a Dominate is just a fancy name for a wife-beater, and a submissive is nothing but a woman with low self-esteem who is too depressed and trapped to escape.  This misconception annoys me more than anything else.  I am NOT depressed and NOT abused and do NOT have low self-esteem.  In fact, I would say that my self-esteem is higher now than at any other point in my adult life!

The dynamic between Dom and sub, Master and slut, is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t instinctively understand the lifestyle.  There are some “vanilla” people out there who grasp it so readily that I suspect they are not vanilla!  But others are completely confused.  I stay at home all day, cooking, cleaning, caring for the children, sexually accessible at any moment, degraded and humiliated and tied up and penetrated – don’t I feel oppressed?

No, I don’t feel oppressed.  Sometimes I crave a little adult contact, and if I express those needs to my Master or my Sir they are readily fulfilled.  But for the most part, I am content and happy to stay home and care for the home – more so lately than before.  I am starting to find joy in the simple things like washing a load of dishes or folding the laundry.  And best of all, I get called dirty names and made to do dirty things several times each day – and I get FUCKED on a regular basis.  Why on earth would I feel repressed?

What is a submissive? My answer – she is the luckiest woman on Earth.

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